Many of you have already met Sparkles the Tweeking Mastodon...
...but do you know his/her back story?
Sparkles was born of a DNA recovery project completed in the late 1990s on the remains of a mastodon that emerged like tons of global heating-seduced methane from an area of Siberian permafrost not far from the mysterious Tunguska explosion of 1908.
Continued...
The DNA from this rotting mastodon, nicknamed 'Prescott,' was inserted into an ovum extracted from a rogue female African Bush Elephant after it took refuge in a crowded Angolan stadium to escape a flood. Two uncomfortable years later, through the miracle of modern cloning, Sparkles was born.
Sparkles, understandably, is not quite right. The genetic damage incurred during the cross-millenial cloning of this beast has left it with an intractable drive to destroy what it can and hump what it cannot, although it is often difficult to tell which it is attempting.
Although massive doses of methamphetamine have, as counterintuitively as Ritalin, somewhat moderated Sparkles's behavior over recent years, the recent application of blue paint and branding of the Twin Towers horizontally on its back seem to have now driven the behemoth irrevocably insane.
Sparkles is scheduled to visit Minneapolis next year, and other than the obvious step of not allowing it to cross any bridges that may remain, attempts at damage control understandably range as wide as the mind can imagine damage.
So, that's Sparkles! Hope you like, umm, it! And remember:
Sparkles the Tweeking Mastodon says: Vote Republican and/or run for your lives!!